I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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