I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
