no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
