If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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