I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
