You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
