'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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