i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
