new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
