Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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