Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Come see our sink grown plant.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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