I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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