Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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