I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
