if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize