so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
