Are we in a gay sports bar?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
