Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize