Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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