I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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