her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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