He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
