You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
