Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
