that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
