my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
