Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
