Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
