im drinking this country out of the recession.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
