I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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