I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
