We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
