it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
