Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think a kid would responsible me up
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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