U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
