Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
