so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
