Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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