and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize