If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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