I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
