apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
