theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
