you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
