that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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