ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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