somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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