She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
