just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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