8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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