i think i have herpe
just one?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
