You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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