Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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