i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
