yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
