Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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