Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
