Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize