I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
