I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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