i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
