My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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