The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
