I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
