You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
