last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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