just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
