YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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