maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
