just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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