all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
